Car crashed into our porch. DO NOT COME IN THE FRONT. Use the side door.
That’s the text message I received Friday morning from my roommate, advertising master's student Gareth Lim. Needless to say, I was surprised and more than a little confused. For some reason, the first thing that popped into my head was that time on Everybody Loves Raymond when Raymond’s parents crash their car into his house.
I live at the corner of Madison Street and Ostrom Avenue, which sees a pretty heavy amount of traffic, so I had no idea what to expect. For all I knew, this was going to be a scene straight out of a Fast and Furious movie. I had spent the night at a friend’s place, and by the time I made it home, the drama was over. There was no car. No police sirens. No Doris Roberts. All that was left was the remains of our front porch.
Gradually I started to piece together what had happened. At approximately 2:30 a.m. Friday, Gareth was woken up by the sound of a large crash near the front of the house. He stumbled to the door in a T-shirt and boxer shorts, only to discover an unexpected visitor: a Nissan Altima, halfway covered by what remained of our front porch.
“The first thing I noticed was there was white dust seeping under our door. When I opened it, there was smoke everywhere, and that’s when I turned and saw the car jammed into our house,” Gareth said. “I yelled out, "Are you okay? Are you still alive?" and I heard the driver go, "Yeah, I’m doing alright.”
Gareth worked with two bystanders to help pull the driver from the car. He was in his mid-twenties, with short brown hair and several ear piercings, and he was clearly drunk.
“We tried to get him to sit down but he pushed us away. He smelled like alcohol and started walking around in circles, looking lost," Gareth said.
After a few moments, the man started walking east down Madison Street away from the accident. Gareth and one of the emergency responders followed for a short time.
“I didn’t want him to get hit by a car or get away from the police,” Lim said. “The emergency responder told me we needed to make sure there wasn’t any internal bleeding. I think he noticed us, because he started running and we couldn’t keep up.”
According to Sarah Wheeler, another one of my roommates, police arrived in four minutes to assess the situation. It then took nearly an hour for city officials to bring all the equipment necessary to move the car. When they finally pulled it out, nothing collapsed, but it was clear the foundation of the front porch was completely destroyed. As a broadcast journalism student, naturally the first thing she did was film an impromptu video of the aftermath for the local news. Thanks for the training, Newhouse!
So that’s the story. At the time of this writing, the driver’s whereabouts are unknown, there’s a temporary wooden column holding up my balcony, and it looks like I’ll be having pizza delivered to the side door from now on. Thankfully, nobody was injured. The car was apparently registered to the driver’s girlfriend. I have a sneaking suspicion that relationship isn’t going to last, but who knows, maybe it’s true that love really can overcome all drunken car-totaling obstacles. My front lawn is covered in debris, random bystanders keep stopping to take pictures, and there’s a chance my house will be on the 11 o’clock news tonight. And after all that, all I can think is, “Aw, I missed all the excitement!”
Remember, kids: don’t drink and drive. If you do, not only do you risk the lives of others, but you risk the well-being of front porches everywhere.
Video by Sarah Wheeler.
