The Top 5 Best Bad Holiday Songs

From Garth Brooks to Mariah Carey, this list has your guilty pleasures covered.

This list is meant to count down some of those wonderful holiday tunes that are awful. Now, I must say before any judgment is passed that I love all of these songs; but they are all hideous in their own unique way.

These are the ones that play in the mall while you’re shopping. You know, the ones that you hum along to before realizing what you’re doing. Then you have to look around to make sure no one noticed.

These aren’t Christmas standards by Bing Crosby or Nat King Cole. And while they are catchy and easy to listen to, “The Christmas Song” they are not.

5. “Santa Looked a lot like Daddy” (Garth Brooks via Buck Owens)

When I heard Garth Brooks sing this original Buck Owens song, I knew something was up. That something happened to be my innocence. I’m well aware in my mid-20s that Santa was never real.

But Garth, I didn’t know it then! This song helped lead to Santa’s demise. Real nice work, bro.

This is a good bad song because it starts with the catchy melody which is then ruined by the lyrics (and the title, for that matter).


4. “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” (Gayla Peevey)

Look, we all want a hippo for Christmas. Do you know what I would give for a hippo? Like, so many of my imaginary dollars would go toward this hippo. No one would mess with me.

At first, this is a song that piques your interest because it’s silly. Then, it’s a song that’s mildly annoying. Finally, it’s poison that makes you want to go around murdering hippos.

Good bad, indeed.

3. “Mistletoe” (Justin Bieber)

As a true Belieber, this is a special one.

I play it for all my shorties when I’m trying to get a smooch around this time of year.

The best part about this good bad song is that he doesn’t actually say anything. It’s devoid of any message besides “I should be with you right now.” But he says mistletoe a lot, so it’s a Christmas song!

While I was writing this article, I listened to “Mistletoe” about five times. Is that bad? That’s probably bad. But J Biebs is still my guy. Brazilian hooker and all.

2. “All I Want for Christmas is You” (Mariah Carey)

This is everyone’s favorite good bad holiday song. You know it. I know it. The cast of Love Actually knows it. But let’s be real, this isn’t what the Three Wise Men had in mind during the birth of Jesus.

So this isn’t what the holidays are all about, but who cares?

Let’s just let Mariah soak in our mentals for a little to realize how good bad this song actually is.

Macy’s outlets unite!

1. “Last Christmas” (Wham)

I mean, is there any other option? This is the greatest for so many reasons. First, look at that hair. Second, look at everyone else’s hair. Third, this is a Christmas song made by Wham.

This is classic ’80s. And on top of whatever is going on in the music video, this song has been covered by everyone who’s ever thought about Christmas.

Look at that snow. Look at those lifts. Look at George Michael himself. If this isn’t the best bad holiday song of all time, then I don’t want to hear any other holiday songs. It just won’t be the same.

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