Lovesick on Valentine's Day

February 14th is the day we can be closer to others than molecular bonds allow. It's also the day we can spend lonelier than anyone on the planet. We welcome it with our current partners when we aren’t cursing our ex-lovers for dumping us. We crave it as much as we dread it. Yes, Valentine’s Day is upon us yet again, and The NewsHouse brings you this special Orange Shorts Production to commemorate it.
 
If you want to find love like Joe Blum, here are our tips for a romantic and successful first date:

1. Coffee shops. Shy away from restaurants or movie theaters; think low-pressure conversation. You want to get to know this person, not mack on them like a post-pubescent high-school sophomore. Pick a quiet, semi-private spot.

2. Small gifts. Smart, but inexpensive: cards, mix CDs and cheap trinkets all work. Never get anything too expensive, because it may freak your date out. A piece of craftily sculpted origami goes a long way.

3. Flowers. Always cute (The video proves it). Shy away from roses -- they can be pretty intense and are overplayed. Save them for the fourth date.

4. Be yourself. Pleasant self-deprecation may work for Joe, but not for you. Stay natural. People never expect to speak to someone they already know on the first date, so why put up a pretense? Keep calm, and stay original.

5. Grooming/Make-up. Trying too hard can end in disaster, so find a happy medium. You do not want to be in a situation where your perfectly combed hair gets noticeably ruffled, or where your mountains of mascara turn you into a raccoon.

6. Dialogue. Don’t offend him/her! If you two do not mesh well, that is fine, but provocation is a no-no. Tread lightly on topics like politics, religion and even personal history. You never know what might set someone off.

7. Bad habits. No nail-biting, nose-picking, underarm-scratching or any other nastiness; save it for 25 years from now, when you’re so happily married that Valentine’s Day is just another white square on your calendar.